A visit to D.C.

One weekend I visited my friends in Washington D.C., highlights:

1. My friend nailed his ex girlfriend in bed of an OCD person that was out of town for the weekend.
2. One girl that was staying at the house, could only drive in a car if the window was down.
3. While at a party, a girl left me with her boyfriend while she hooked up with a 6'5 dude who went on to fight a midget in the front yard, while her boyfriend asked me questions about jail.
4. I convinced most people at the party that I just got out of jail.
5. The liquor store we went was encased in Plexiglas, so you point at bottles and they gave it to you through a drawer.
6. We went to an ice place to get a large ice block for shots and the guy said "a lot of stupid white frat boys buy this shit"
7. I had a beer poured on me, not really sure why.
8. We only ate once on the trip, unless count the beef jerkey I bought at the liquor store.
9. Apparently Baltimore is not that close to Virgina.

A chat with Mal

Mal: the lady that sits next to me has been sick for over a week


T: mono?


Mal: like a 'i will cough the phlegm out of my throat all day long at 15 second intervals to see how long it takes you to rip out your hair' sickness
I complained about her, and now everyone else hates me for bringing the noise to their attention
que sera, motha effers


T: haha
who did you complain to?

Mal: my boss


T: this is a blog post fyi
what did you boss say?
how did you pose this complaint
?
so many questions


Mal: I said, "If Joyce keeps coughing up phlegm all day, I will make a noise like I am barking"


T: and trying not to laugh out loud


Mal: each time she makes that noise, I make mine


T: and her response?


Mal: my boss? He said, 'We will move Typhoid Betty to another spot....just bear with it a little longer'
it would be one thing if she was healthy at SOME point in her life


T: does your throat get scratchy from barking so much?


Mal: but since her breakfast is something called 'Pancake & Sausage on a Stick', and her lunch is usually a smorgasbord from a vending machine, and the only water she drinks is sweat that has dripped off her upper lip, I don't think she will ever get better
(seriously--there is a product called Pancake & Sausage on a stick, and it is like a corn dog for breakfast)


T: where would you get that?
like she brings it from home?


Mal: yes
i hate her


T: is her name really betty?


Mal: with all my blackened heart
her name is not really Betty


T: good


Mal: but Typhoid Betty sounds good
so that's what we call her


T: then I would feel bad for her
who do you hate more? Betty or Candice the Clown


Mal: BETTY
Candace the Clown can make any animal!